I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
