Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
