i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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