Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
