i love accidental penises.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
