Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
