I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
