If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
