why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
