I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize