One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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