something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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