I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
