some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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