Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
