I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
only you would photoshop your dick
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
