I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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