She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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