sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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