this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
