i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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