First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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