I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
