sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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