its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize