Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize