I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i think i just lost a toe
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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