Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
