So drunk its hurt
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize