Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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