please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
