Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We left an ass print on the piano.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
