i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just high enough for therapy.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
