Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
