I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
