Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
