just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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