Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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