but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
