yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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