did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
