zippers are such a cool invention
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
