i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
