READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
