His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This house was built for laser tag.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
