I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
