I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Randomize
