Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
