Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That accounts for only three of the penises
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize