R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
