i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
