They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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