That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
