drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
