Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
