My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My feet surprised me
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