I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
