Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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