I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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