At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
this will be a night to untag.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
