What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize