dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
