Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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